I always get crazy when I am involved in a deal with a hospital.  The following is for your edification, and to keep me from losing my mind.

Hospital Rules for Negotiating With Physicians

1.     We are in a great hurry.  There is a deadline of _________.

2.     It is unreasonable for the physicians to change anything – that will slow the deal down.

3.     Every time the physicians do change something, we must take a week or two to get it through legal. 

4.     When it comes out of our legal, the physicians must respond immediately.  See #1.

5.     The fraud and abuse laws prevent us from _______ (fill in the blank).

6.     If you had a real attorney, s/he would know that the deal must be 100% the way we want it.  See #5.  If the physician attorney disputes that simple fact, it is proof the poor fool does not know Stark.

7.     Our legal fees will be paid from the pot.  The physician’s legal fees MUST be paid by the physicians.  See #5.

8.     We are a not-for-profit.  Therefore, everything we do is for the community benefit.  If the physicians need something out of the deal, it is because they are greedy.

What have I missed?